Self Pity or Self Loathing?

That is my question.  Where do you draw the line? How do you tell the difference between self pity and self loathing?  When I'm upset or hurt, why do I turn on myself so harshly? Beating myself up, my focus becomes locked on every fault I own and every criticism I can think of.   A downward spiral (my how melodramatic) of self abuse that leaves me feeling worse that being kicked in the box.

So which is it?  Sometimes I try to share these thoughts and I'm told to "stop feeling sorry for myself".    If, say, my husband and I have a fight, I said or did something, even in unintentional as I tend to have terrible timing for random thoughts and sometimes just don't think first, if I'm to blame in an argument with him suddenly I'm believe I'm the worst person in the world.  And my brain just starts spewing garbage at myself....



I'm a disappointment. Well I've always been a disappointment, nothing new there. 
                                   Can't ever do anything right. 
                                                  Always a mess, always a mess, always making a mess of things. 
A  disappointment. 

Stupid.  

Yeah you heard me, stupid. 

What a mess you've made.  Can't do anything right.  What use am I? What good am I? Why can't I just keep my mouth shut? Why can't I be better than this? Why am I always messing up? Lazy. Why can't you do more? Disappointment. Other moms can do this. Other moms keep up. Other moms don't turn into a puddle of tears when things go wrong.  Other moms just do it.  What's wrong with you?

Fail. 

Fail. 

Fail. 

FAILED.

And so on and so forth, beating these thoughts deep down inside like an angry drum.  

Is this just self pity? Feeling sorry for myself? So I need to just grow up and get over myself? I'm 32 and a mom. I would have thought I'd have figured out how to do that by now....